Word 48 - Fat

This is part of my blog (on Live Journal and Myspace), where you sit down and list 100 words that relate to who you are, and then each day you take the next word, and blog on it. Can you believe that "fat" was word 48? How did it get so far down the list?

Where to start? Basically, I have been fat my entire life. Oh, I've managed to diet down to just a little above average size a few times, but, of course, the weight came back plus some.

My first realization that being fat was an issue was when I was maybe 6 or 7 and hanging with the neighborhood boys, and one of them told me that I could be his girlfriend if only I'd lose weight! Holy shit! 6 or 7! Not long after that our family doctor, Dr. Asshole – I'm sorry, Dr. Asline, began his ritual harangue about how I would never be asked on a date, much less have a boyfriend or get married, if I didn't lose weight.

I don't remember when my mother put me on my first diet, but suffice it to say, I was young. I don't know what she thought would happen. She was fat. Her mother was fat. Diets had never worked for her or her mother. Hello? And so a major part of my life was spent on the diet-go-round. I starved, ate weird stuff, got shots, took pills, you name it. And here I am, big as life and full of life, despite the weight loss industries best efforts.

I got teased, but not as much as you might expect. I have always been good at fitting in (no pun intended). And I was an active fat kid – I actually liked gym class. And I've always been able to make people laugh. For some unknown reason, the kids in my class were against anyone making fun of fat people. In junior high (the worst of times for everyone), I remember there was a new girl, Claire, who was gorgeous – white blond hair, built like Twiggy, dressed to kill at all times, she said something nasty about me being fat, and Claire's friends (the other "cool" kids obviously) told her that was not okay and to knock it off! Wow. Imagine how different fat kids would feel about themselves and life in general, if something like this happened to them, instead of the bullying so many are subjected to (with society's implicit blessing)? I was most fortunate.

And once I found theater, I was home free. Everyone could see I had some major talent, and they could respect that. So that was good.

My first job was as a salesperson for a fat lady's clothing store. I got the job after doing a couple TV commercials for them (they paid me in clothes – the first really nice clothes I ever had and they actually fit – thus beginning a lifelong obsession with clothes). I went on to manage their new store, and I learned that fat ladies can dress nice too. And all the employees of the store had to be big enough to wear the clothing!

Moving to LA, I found out there are fat people everywhere (not just in Michigan). I even found NAAFA, and Dimensions – imagine a magazine, where the beauty of fat women is extolled – and I found out there are men who prefer fat women! Holy crap! I also discovered that most of the problems I had dating were due to people issues not fat issues. I think that is probably one of the biggest problems fat folk have in relationships – they attribute the problems to fat issues, when in actuality it is just normal people issues that everyone goes through.

Anyhow, here I am in San Jose, married, and still fat. Happily, I am much more enlightened regarding fat issues. I have found that there are fat communities everywhere, and that (finally) fat people are learning that it is not okay to be discriminated against because of size. The voices of sanity seem to get lost in the hysteria that has been cultivated by the weight loss industry and our government; but if you listen closely the voices are there, and they will not be stilled.

New favorite saying: How can you say fat people have no self-discipline? We haven't killed you yet.

It's all about the fattitude.