Feeding Our Children to Death

This was my response to a West Virginia article concerning the recent ad campaign in Ohio where fat kids are depicted eating unhealthily with the caption of "Are We Feeding Our Children to Death", a campaign which NAAFA has come out against:

The reality is many schools have dropped physical education because of funding cuts. Even if there is a park or playground, the days of just sending your kid out to play are gone. And many people do not have backyards where the kids can play. With our economy, usually the parents are working one or more jobs simply to make ends meet, and don't have the energy to supervise their children at play.

What NAAFA encourages is healthy eating choices and getting some exercise into your life. NAAFA wants people to concentrate on being healthy, not on what they weigh.
The simple fact is people come in all sizes. Americans are fatter than ever. Americans live longer than ever. Obviously, fat people are not dropping dead in alarming numbers, despite the dire preductions the medical establishment has been making for decades.

Mom was right when she said - just eat your veggies and go out and play.

She didn't say eat your veggies and worry about what you weigh!

Should fat people buy 2 seats on a plane

My thinking on this issue is - if you take up 2 seats you should pay for them. HOWEVER, if you want to put your seat back and use the space behind you - you should have to pay for the seat behind you. If your shoulders extend over into the seat area next to you - you should have to pay for that seat. And (this may get me really yelled at), if you are flying with an infant/toddler - you have to pay for the second seat. I'm sorry holding a child in your lap is not safe for the child or yourself in the case of an emergency. Nor is it comfortable to sit next to someone who has another person in their lap. After all, the airlines are supposedly doing this for our comfort and SAFETY. The airline should provide infant seats - like car seats.

AND if the airlines are going to charge fat folk for the extra seat, they need to be non-discriminatory about it. They need to adhere to their own rules, and allow the person to prove that they can (or cannot) fit into one seat.

AND if (as Southwest claims) it isn't about the money. Southwest should allow 2 fat people to purchase the 3rd seat between them to share. Southwest claims they can't guaranty 3 seats together (because they don't do assigned seating), however, Southwest lets the fat folks pre-board so they can be guaranteed the 2nd seat. So Southwest's explanation doesn't wash.

Fair is fair.

Tante Terri

How can you say fat people have no self-discipline? We haven't killed you yet!

BBW

Why don't I like BBW? I consider myself to be a beautiful woman. I am certainly big. But maybe because I don't like euphemisms, I prefer the word fat. Yes I am big, large, and all those other things – but what the word I identify with is fat.

So I guess what I am is a FBW.

I like that better, I guess.

And it's funny because I like acronyms. They can be all kinds of fun. I love LYLAS (love you like a sister), and I use LYLAA (love you like an auntie), and LYANJBYMS (love you and not just because you’re my sister).

Maybe I feel BBW (or FBW) is redundant. It may be trite, but everyone is beautiful in their own way. Average sized women aren't ABW, and thin ones aren't TBW or SBW. Why do fat women have to justify themselves by saying they are big AND beautiful – like those two words wouldn't normally go together.

And don't get me wrong, in my days of personal ads, I used BBW – because we all know that is the code to let the men looking at the ads know this woman is FAT. Although come to think of it, maybe I didn't use BBW – my recollection (going back, lo' these many years) is that my ads started "Fat and happy but not dumb …" And the kind of guys who responded, were the kind of guys who appreciated the fact that I knew I was fat, and I was comfortable with it. Often, the use of the word "fat" would be what attracted them to my ad over others.

So come on folks, I want a new fun acronym. This one doesn't make me happy, but I can't think of anything better (and since I'm married, I am not sufficiently motivated to put the brain cells to work on the problem).

Word 48 - Fat

This is part of my blog (on Live Journal and Myspace), where you sit down and list 100 words that relate to who you are, and then each day you take the next word, and blog on it. Can you believe that "fat" was word 48? How did it get so far down the list?

Where to start? Basically, I have been fat my entire life. Oh, I've managed to diet down to just a little above average size a few times, but, of course, the weight came back plus some.

My first realization that being fat was an issue was when I was maybe 6 or 7 and hanging with the neighborhood boys, and one of them told me that I could be his girlfriend if only I'd lose weight! Holy shit! 6 or 7! Not long after that our family doctor, Dr. Asshole – I'm sorry, Dr. Asline, began his ritual harangue about how I would never be asked on a date, much less have a boyfriend or get married, if I didn't lose weight.

I don't remember when my mother put me on my first diet, but suffice it to say, I was young. I don't know what she thought would happen. She was fat. Her mother was fat. Diets had never worked for her or her mother. Hello? And so a major part of my life was spent on the diet-go-round. I starved, ate weird stuff, got shots, took pills, you name it. And here I am, big as life and full of life, despite the weight loss industries best efforts.

I got teased, but not as much as you might expect. I have always been good at fitting in (no pun intended). And I was an active fat kid – I actually liked gym class. And I've always been able to make people laugh. For some unknown reason, the kids in my class were against anyone making fun of fat people. In junior high (the worst of times for everyone), I remember there was a new girl, Claire, who was gorgeous – white blond hair, built like Twiggy, dressed to kill at all times, she said something nasty about me being fat, and Claire's friends (the other "cool" kids obviously) told her that was not okay and to knock it off! Wow. Imagine how different fat kids would feel about themselves and life in general, if something like this happened to them, instead of the bullying so many are subjected to (with society's implicit blessing)? I was most fortunate.

And once I found theater, I was home free. Everyone could see I had some major talent, and they could respect that. So that was good.

My first job was as a salesperson for a fat lady's clothing store. I got the job after doing a couple TV commercials for them (they paid me in clothes – the first really nice clothes I ever had and they actually fit – thus beginning a lifelong obsession with clothes). I went on to manage their new store, and I learned that fat ladies can dress nice too. And all the employees of the store had to be big enough to wear the clothing!

Moving to LA, I found out there are fat people everywhere (not just in Michigan). I even found NAAFA, and Dimensions – imagine a magazine, where the beauty of fat women is extolled – and I found out there are men who prefer fat women! Holy crap! I also discovered that most of the problems I had dating were due to people issues not fat issues. I think that is probably one of the biggest problems fat folk have in relationships – they attribute the problems to fat issues, when in actuality it is just normal people issues that everyone goes through.

Anyhow, here I am in San Jose, married, and still fat. Happily, I am much more enlightened regarding fat issues. I have found that there are fat communities everywhere, and that (finally) fat people are learning that it is not okay to be discriminated against because of size. The voices of sanity seem to get lost in the hysteria that has been cultivated by the weight loss industry and our government; but if you listen closely the voices are there, and they will not be stilled.

New favorite saying: How can you say fat people have no self-discipline? We haven't killed you yet.

It's all about the fattitude.

NAAFA

Ah, NAAFA. How to describe my love hate relationship with NAAFA.

For anyone who doesn't know, NAAFA stands for National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. I found out about NAAFA in the late 1980s when I started subscribing to Dimensions – I know many people view Dimensions magazine with disfavor, but I think it served an important purpose. (And it is still available online.) It provided pictures of fat women looking beautiful and sexy. It provided size positive articles and fiction. I had personal ads for fat people and those who admire them. It had advertisements for events and products specifically for fat people. It opened up a whole new world to me. Including the world of NAAFA.

My first experience with NAAFA was the Memorial Day event in Los Angeles in 1986 or 87? Anyhow, I attended to see what the group was all about. This is where I first heard about diets not working! Now I'm a smart woman, but I had not figured this out on my own. Duh. It all made sense. And here I found a group of fat women who actually liked themselves! In other words, they felt like I did. I didn't know these people existed. All the fat people I knew hated themselves for being fat (hell, a lot of the average sized people I knew hated themselves for being fat). A world of body acceptance!

I did not go to my first NAAFA even to find the love of my life. I went to check it out and to have a good time. And I did both. While some couples do meet at NAAFA, and go on to have long and wonderful relationships, I feel NAAFA is really about learning to love yourself – not finding someone to do that job for you.

And for some years, that was the extent of my involvement with NAAFA. Well, sort of. I kept up my membership. I subscribed to their personals, and when they offered a pen pal program, I joined that – in fact I still correspond with four of my NAAFA pen pals! I loved the pen pal program because it was not about "hooking up", it was about communicating as fat people about living in an unaccepting world.

Then (through a BBS advertising in Dimensions) I met Bill, my husband to be. We met, got to know each other, and got married, and I moved to San Jose. Bill was more involved with NAAFA than I was. We started attending the national conventions. We had issues about how certain things were handled (or not handled) at NAAFA. We decided that it wasn't fair to complain about NAAFA unless we were willing to put in the time to help NAAFA address those problems. And that is how Bill and I became key volunteers for NAAFA.

Bill is the editor of the NAAFA Newsletter. Before Bill got involved with the Newseltter it was published sporadically at best. Now the Newsletter comes out on a regular basis. The Newsletter is now sent out mainly by e-mail, although members of NAAFA who do not have access to e-mail receive a photocopy of the Newsletter.

I maintain the NAAFA member database. It had been set up on a program that had become obsolete. So I took the entire database and typed it into Excel. Not only is the database easier to deal with, if I get hit by a truck, someone else can easily step in and take over.

I also wanted to write grant proposals for NAAFA. To do that, you need a balance sheet to go with your grant proposal. I found out that NAAFA not only didn't have a balance sheet, their tax filings had fallen behind (due to a number of events that took place, one after another, snowballing and creating some problems that NAAFA has finally been able to put behind it). So I taught myself Quickbooks for Nonprofits, set up the system, and entered and balanced every bank statement for NAAFA going back to 1995, and was able to prepare the necessary tax filings.

I'm not saying all this to pat myself on the back. I assure you NAAFA has patted my back plenty. I just want to encourage people, if you want to bitch about something, then you also need to do something to fix the problem you are bitching about. If you aren't willing to help fix the problem, then stop bitching.

I have two complaints about NAAFA as it now exists, and they are actually related. First, the work of NAAFA is not properly planned out and delegated. NAAFA has an amazing Board of Directors, but they try to do it all. Not only do they all have a "real life" (including jobs, family and friends), they serve on the Board, and hold at least one other job for NAAFA (i.e., head of PR, treasurer, etc.). NAAFA is an all volunteer organization, but NAAFA has not found work for its volunteers. And that's the second problem, NAAFA has not reached out, I feel, sufficiently to encourage its members to bring NAAFA to be part of their own lives. I personally attend a big science fiction convention every year, and in the past, I have run a table to hand out NAAFA literature, talk to people about NAAFA and to sell pins with size-positive slogans on them and donate the money to NAAFA. I feel NAAFA should have a list of suggestions for members on how to help NAAFA get the word out. But I'm not allowed to bitch too much about this because (a) I'm not willing to be on the Board; and (b) so far, I'm not ready to put together a volunteer outreach program.

I have recently set up and done an article for the Newsletter regarding using GoodSearch.com, GoodShop.com and iGive.com, to help raise funds for NAAFA at no expense to the user. I'm quite proud of that. The next step is to have an e-mail announcement sent out and do a mailing to the members letting them know about the programs.

So NAAFA frustrates me because I want it to do so much more. But I love NAAFA because it is so important and the possibilities are there. My fabulous niece, Jo, recently joined NAAFA and has brought some great ideas with her; and I know that there are a lot more people like Jo out there just waiting to help; some like Jo don't need direction; but some do. Okay, okay, I'll think about taking that on next.

Moral Dilemma of Fat Theater

As I near the end of the production of the show I am currently in (A Day in Hollywood/A Night in the Ukraine), I am thinking more and more about the moral dilemma of being a fat actress, and the shows I want to do, and the theaters where they are produced.

Fat Jokes/Stereotypes – I generally try to audition for roles that interest me irrespective of the accepted physical size of the character. So sometimes I get to play roles that usually go to average size people. And sometimes, I play roles that are usually played by fat people, and sometimes there is comedy based on the size of the character. And sometimes, the director adds stage business that creates comedy based on my size. And sometimes, I add stage business that creates comedy based on my size. This comedy does not bother me.

Fat people are not always nice. Some fat people are bullies and/or manipulative. Some fat people use their size to dominate or intimidate others.

However, currently, in A Night in the Ukraine, the script is pretty rife with out-and-out fat jokes. Some I find kind of positive (a character says I could be the "Belly of the Ball" – I love that!). But some are just not very nice. However, it is supposed to be a Marx Brothers movie, and the jokes are true to the humor used by the Marx Brothers in their past movies. I understand this, and use it as my justification for doing a show that contains anti-fat humor (and some pro-fat humor as well).

On the positive side, it has been clear that the audiences are very uncomfortable with, and often hostile to the anti-fat humor. While it means the Groucho character doesn't get some of the laughs, I find it heartening to see that society is becoming educated about the fact that it is not okay to make fun of fat people.

I play the Margaret Dumont-esque role. Margaret Dumont once said something to the effect that she had no trouble keeping a straight face in the Marx Brothers movies because she did not "get" the jokes. So I have been playing the role from the point of view that the fat jokes puzzle me more than offend me. I think this helps from a performance standpoint, but am I doing harm in possibly encouraging people to think that anti-fat jokes can be okay? Or do I hope that people understand that it's just a show based on the un-pc comedy of the Marx Brothers – in other words a "period" piece.

Arghhhhh.

Seating in Theaters – None of the theaters in which I perform (all community theaters) have fat-friendly seating. Usually they can accommodate my fat friends by having them sit in the aisles in armless chairs. Not the best solution, but that's how it is. The theaters, however, don't even like to make this accommodation because, obviously, they are breaking fire code laws by partially obstructing the aisles.

I want my fat friends to be able to come see me in shows (particularly when I feel the role is fat positive). And when I do fat-positive roles, I often have fat people come up to me afterwards and express their appreciation of seeing a fat person in the role, or how good I looked on stage, etc.

But am I doing a disservice to the fat community by sharing my talents with theaters where there is no fat friendly seating?

But I like doing theater. I think I do help the fat community by being "out there" performing. Every theater I perform at knows how I feel about the fat friendly seating issue. These groups rent the space, so they cannot fix the problem on their own; and even if they could they don't have the money. Most of the theaters are owned by government-entities, also short on cash these days. And I don't want to stir it up too much, because these government entities would be just as happy to kick out the theater groups.

I feel damned if I do, and damned if I don't.